


Insecurity

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: Drama, M/M, Series: Fear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 05:05:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/794242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim and Blair work out some things in their new relationship.<br/>This story is a sequel to Fear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Insecurity

## Insecurity

by XFreak

Author's webpage: <http://www.e-fic.com/xfreak/>

Series/Sequel: Second story in the "Fear" series. 

Disclaimers: The Sentinel, Jim Ellison, Blair Sandburg, and Simon Banks belong to Pet Fly Productions and Paramount. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fiction is purely for enjoyment and no money is being made from it. 

Notes: As usual, many thanks go to Grey for being a great beta reader and offering encouragement. Changes were made after this was beta read, so any mistakes are my own. Comments and constructive criticism would be great! I'm aware that hotmail has been having some difficulty with truncating messages. If that happens, this story has been uploaded to my web page and can be found there. There is an additional note at the end of the story. 

Summary: Jim and Blair work out some things in their new relationship. 

* * *

Insecurity  
by XFreak 

Jim's heart achingly sank into his stomach as he watched his partner shamelessly flirt with Denise, a very attractive file clerk for Major Crimes. She stood about Blair's height with wavy auburn hair and piercing brown eyes. The younger man flipped his curly brown hair while laughing at almost everything the young woman said. He should've just worn a sign that screamed "Do me!" 

As Sandburg approached him with his usual bounce, the detective steeled his features, allowing the tension to flow out of his jaw and neck muscles. He closed the file he'd been purporting to read and stood up, reaching for his jacket. 

"Where ya goin', Jim?" The young man flashed a smile his way that made him want to smash something, anything. 

"I have a witness to question. I'll see you later," he answered, glancing away from the smaller man to shrug into his coat. 

"Don't you want me to come with you?" 

Jim allowed himself to look into the wounded eyes of his lover. "Chief, you have a class in an hour. This isn't important enough for you to miss it. It's just a routine questioning." 

"You know I don't like you going out alone. What if you have a zoneout? What if you need me and I'm not there?" Blair stared down at the detective's desk, nervously tapping the edge of it with his left hand, frown lines etched into his forehead. 

"I'm not an invalid, Sandburg. I have a job to do and you can't babysit me 24 hours a day. I'll see you tonight." The detective turned away and didn't stop his brisk pace until he had maneuvered himself inside the elevator. 

"Yeah. I love you, too, man." Tightening the muscles of his stomach with a vise grip, the phrase attacked the cop's ears as he stepped through the elevator doors. The words were spoken so that only he could hear them and the dejected tone carrying them balled his hands into angry fists. 

He jabbed the button for the bottom level as if attempting to punish it. Emotions churned inside him and he didn't know how long he'd be able to control them. Leaning his forehead against the cool wall, he fought the headache that threatened to squeeze his brain into mush. 

* * *

Sitting motionless, Jim made believe that he didn't notice as Sandburg let himself into the loft. The younger man pitched his keys into the basket by the door and hung his coat up. Looking for the older man, he approached where the detective sat on the couch reading the newspaper. 

"Hey, Jim." 

"Hi, Chief." The older man didn't acknowledge him further, keeping his concentration on the page in front of him. 

Jim knew that his indifference would upset the smaller man. Every evening since they'd become lovers, he had met the younger man at the door with an enthusiastic hug and kiss. Blair had done the same if he arrived home first, jumping on the older man as he wrapped his arms and legs around him. 

"Um, Jim?" Fidgeting with one of the belt loops on his jeans, the anthropologist made a nervous attempt to get his lover's attention. 

"Not now, Sandburg. I'm reading." His eyes remained focused on the page in front of him as his young lover flinched at the harsh words. 

"Well, when you decide that you're finished with your precious paper and you can talk to your lowly lover, you know where to find me." Plucking his backpack from the floor, Blair stalked off toward his old room. 

Jim heard him chastising himself in the other room. "C'mon, Blair think! What have you done _now_?" A loud exhalation followed a couple of minutes later. 

"Sandburg!" Jim bellowed, a close imitation of Simon. 

"What is it, Jim?" Blair slowly walked to the door of his room, leaning against the door frame with his thumbs hooked in his belt loops. Keeping his facial muscles relaxed, he wore a bored expression, his voice mirroring the look on his face. 

"You wanted to talk, so talk." Jim gazed at the young man with ice cold eyes, still holding the lowered newspaper in his hands. 

"Oh, that's a good attitude, man! If you were any more receptive, I might not feel like I was talking to a brick wall." He strode out into the living room, his voice growing louder to emphasize the last two words. 

"Don't be a smartass, Chief," the older man snapped. 

"And why the hell not? You're being a Grade A prick." The usual enthusiasm was absent, a matter of fact tone in its place. 

Jim almost did a double take, eyes widening slightly. It only took him a moment to recover, but he couldn't be sure if his partner had seen it or not. 

"Watch your mouth. You're already on shaky ground." Setting the newspaper aside, he stood to his full height. 

"What's that supposed to mean? What did I do?" The smaller man frustratedly held his arms and hands out from his body in a sweeping gesture while shrugging his shoulders. 

"If you don't know, then we're in real trouble here, Chief." 

"Well, I guess we're in trouble, Jim, because I haven't got a fucking clue!" He glowered at the taller man, roughly placing his hands on his hips. 

"You really don't know? I thought you did it on purpose." Jim's tense facial muscles eased. 

"Did what, for crying out loud?!" the student exclaimed, completely exasperated. 

"At the station today. You were shameless, Chief, standing there flirting like you hadn't had any in a month. You practically begged for it." Realization dawned on Blair's face, his lips parting. The whites of his eyes broadened as he covered them with his hands. 

"Oh, man! I don't _believe_ this! You're jealous?" He moved his hands into his hair so that he could see his lover's reaction. 

"Don't flatter yourself." Speaking through gritted teeth, Jim turned away, walking to look out the window. His back straightened stiffly, hands shoving brutally into his pockets. 

"Okay. What would you call it, then?" 

"It looked obvious that I'm not enough to keep you happy. You had to flaunt it right in front of me. Damn, Chief." He fought the quiver in his voice, smoothing his hand over his hair. 

"Jim, listen to me. I'm happy just thinking about you. Sex is so not everything." His eyes beseeched the older man's back. 

"What? I guess I'm no good in bed then." The slit eyes looking over his shoulder accentuated the disbelief in his voice. 

Blair began to whine and used his whole body to emphasize his words. "No, Jiiim. You're a wonderful lover. That's not what I meant at all!" 

Jim turned and watched as his lover paced back and forth. The young man stopped, turning to face him. Quietly, he said, "I told you that the sex I had with the women in my past was empty. They were substitutes for who I wanted to be with, although I didn't realize it at the time. I'm not like a _total_ jerk. I've wanted to be with you for like ever!" 

"I think it might be best if we didn't sleep in the same bed tonight," the detective declared, hardening his facial features. He ignored the hand that flew to his partner's stomach in response to his cold dismissal of the declaration. 

"What? Why?" Truly baffled, the younger man's mouth hung open, eyes searching the older man's face. 

"I need to think. I can't do that with you in my bed." The detective refused to meet his lover's eyes, knowing that he would give in to them. 

"Oh, well that says it all, man!" Raising his voice, he continued. "It never was _our_ bed was it, Jim? It's always been _your_ bed! I don't believe this. I thought you cared about me. I must've been nuts!" His hair flew wildly as he tossed his head and thrust his finger in mid air at his lover. 

"That is _NOT_ true!" The volume of his voice caused Blair to jump and his eyes to bug. "I gave you my heart. That's not something I do easily. What did it get me? You shoved it right back in my face!" The veins in his neck stood out and the muscles in his arms flexed, stretching the skin. The younger man took a step back, his heartbeat accelerating. 

The knock on the door startled both men. Breathing deeply, Jim calmly walked over to answer it, bringing the visitor into the room. Simon walked into the living room wearing a shellshocked expression. His cigar drooped from his parted lips, looking like it might fall at any time. 

"Um...Jim...tell me he didn't hear us." The cop heard his lover's heartbeat start to race as the younger man refused to meet Simon's gaze. His eyes scanned the room, resting on everything except the captain. 

"He heard, Chief." 

"Oh, man!" Jim smelled fearful sweat and heard Blair's heart rate increase even more. The young man looked like he had trouble standing, his expression distraught as his legs wobbled under him. "Not _now_!" 

Simon watched as the young man's knees buckled and Jim vaulted the coffee table to catch him before he went down. The detective sat down with his lover sitting sideways in his lap, pulling him in close to his body. The smaller man desperately gasped for air with a distant gaze, gripping the front of Jim's shirt in his hand. 

"Chief, you have to calm down. Try to breathe in slowly like you taught me to do. Come on, buddy!" The helplessness tearing at his heart came through his words as frustration. He hugged the young man to him, laying Blair's head on his shoulder while he massaged the back of the man he cherished with soothing strokes. 

Simon regained his composure enough to walk over and sit on the couch with them. "Kid, are you okay?" Blair's eyelids fluttered, but he didn't respond. He just continued to fight for air. The captain regarded Jim, worry creasing his brow as he leaned back to give the young man some space. 

"This is all my fault." The detective worriedly rested his cheek on top of the younger man's head, which still shook with the effort to get his breathing under control. 

"How is it your fault?" Simon gave him his "Are you stupid?" look. 

"That was our first real fight. I had a...a snit over him talking to Denise in the bullpen." Jim blushed at his admission as Simon rolled his eyes. "He didn't even know what he'd done to make me mad." 

"Well, 'I'm sorry' usually works, Jim." The detective looked at him like he'd grown horns. 

"That's easier to say when _you_ don't have to admit you were wrong." The captain chewed on his unlit cigar, shaking his head. 

"Jim, is your pride worth that much? Are you willing to risk losing the kid for it?" 

"Of course not." Being so worked up about upsetting Blair, he failed to notice that his lover's breathing had slowed down a bit. He hugged the younger man tightly, causing him to strain for air again. 

"Jim, you're choking the kid." 

"Shit." He immediately loosened his bear-like grip. Placing his hands on either side of the angelic face, he tilted it up to gaze into the beautiful blue eyes. They looked tired, but coherent. "Are you okay, baby?" he asked while stroking a finger down the beard stubbled cheek. Blair grimaced, but before he could say anything, Jim kissed him softly, reverently. 

The young man tapped urgently on his lover's arm, but didn't refuse his affection. Reluctantly breaking the kiss, the anthropologist asked, "Jim? Do you have to put on a show?" 

The older man blushed. He turned sheepishly to his boss. "Sorry, sir." 

Simon wore his best confused expression. "Sorry for what? I didn't see anything." The partners both smiled at him, embracing each other. 

"Thank you, sir. Is this going to be a problem with us being partners?" 

"I don't see how it could be. First off, I have no idea what you're talking about. Secondly, he's not a cop." A groan escaped from a certain student. "In this case, kid, that's a good thing. And lastly, you aren't 'out', are you?" 

"We haven't been together very long, but I just assumed that he wouldn't want to be with being a cop and all." The young man yawned, covering his mouth with his hand. "Sorry. I think I'm going to go to bed. I'm tired. We'll talk tomorrow, Jim. Good night, Simon." The anthropologist got up and drowsily dragged himself toward his old room. 

"Chief." Blair turned to see what his lover wanted. Pointing to the stairs, the older man said, "Your bed is that way." 

The young man's brow furrowed, eyes revealing that comprehension escaped his tired brain. "I thought...oh nevermind." He waved his hand dismissively and headed for the stairs, shaking his head. On the way up, Jim heard him grumbling something about trying to figure out finicky sentinels. The detective smiled, one disaster avoided. 

Simon stood up slowly, stretching his entire body. "Well, Jim, I think I'm going home. These old bones need sleep. I left the file you asked me to drop by on the kitchen table." He poked Jim in the chest with an evil glint in his eyes. "And you need to go tuck somebody in." 

"I heard that, Simon!" 

"'Night, kid! See you Monday, Jim. Make good use of the weekend," he advised seriously. 

Blushing, Jim stammered. "Y-you're really okay with this?" 

"Why shouldn't I be? You and the kid complement each other. Good night." 

"Very good, sir. Drive carefully." He walked Simon to the door, his mind reeling. 

Just before stepping out the door, Simon turned and whispered, "What _was_ that, Jim?" 

"He had a panic attack. He says he's had them for years. The only other time I've seen one, he had a paper due that he hadn't finished. It wasn't nearly as bad as this one." He deliberately kept his voice low, knowing Blair would be angry if he knew they talked about him like a child that couldn't answer for himself. 

Nodding, Simon stepped out into the hallway and shut the door behind him. After checking the locks and the stove, Jim headed up to bed. 

* * *

Blair's pacing threatened to drive his lover insane. Normally, he did a lot of cuddling on Saturday. All day on this particular Saturday, he'd been prowling around the loft like a caged animal. As the young man stiffly turned to wander in another direction, Jim couldn't stand it any longer. 

"Chief." The young man froze, eyes fixed on the floor in front of him. Jim heard the tell-tale increased heart rate and breathing. "Don't start that again. Come here." 

Sandburg crept over to him slowly with easy, careful steps. When the younger man reached the couch, the detective opened his arms to him. 

The beaming smile Blair blessed the older man with in response to his offer almost melted his heart. He knew they needed to talk, but being Jim, he'd avoided it like the plague all day. Now, guilt twisted his gut for not getting it over with and putting his lover at ease. 

Blair laid himself down on top of his larger lover's body. Wrapping his arms around the other man, he rested his head on the hard muscles of his chest and sighed contentedly. 

"I'm sorry, Jim." He spoke in that little boy voice that the detective loathed. 

"You don't have anything to be sorry for, Chief." Jim massaged Blair's scalp, hoping to lull the man into taking a nap. The unexpected attack the night before had been hard on him. 

"I said some pretty awful things to you yesterday." Blair raised his head, locking his troubled eyes with those of his lover and resting his chin on his hands. 

"Blair." Jim sighed, stroking the young man's flannel covered back. "You only said those things because I was being a shit and I backed you into a corner. You had no choice." He smiled at the younger man, tapping his nose playfully. 

"Really?" The smaller man's lips parted slightly in a hopeful grin. 

"Yep. Your spirit is one of the things I love most about you. I'd kick anybody else's ass that tried to mess with it." After dreading it for a few more minutes, he decided to get the apology over with. Leaning his forehead against his lover's, he spoke before he lost his nerve. "I'm sorry, Chief. I acted like a jerk." 

Blair snuggled his head back into the older man's chest. "S'okay, Jim. Nobody's perfect, even though your body is just about as close as it gets." He ran his hands down Jim's sides and grasped his butt. 

"Not as close as yours." The cop tapped the young man blanketing him on the behind. "Get up for a minute, Chief." 

Blair frowned at having to leave his warm snuggly spot, but did as requested. Standing with his head down and curls in his face, he watched as Jim scooted up from his completely horizontal position to lean his shoulder blades against the arm of the couch. 

The older man reached over and took Blair's hand in his much larger one, leading him to sit down again. He started to lie down, but Jim stopped him. The detective grasped the right thigh, bringing it over himself so that the younger man would straddle him. Getting the idea, the anthropologist lowered himself to sit on the larger man's groin with a seductive grin that sent the cop's pulse into overdrive. 

"Is that what you wanted?" he said as he applied pressure to the sensitive area with a mischievous twist of his hips. The tortured groan given in response brought a chuckle from him. 

Jim slowly reached up to unbutton the red and black flannel that obscured the view of his favorite chest. His sparkling eyes watched the younger man's expression as he moved, wanting to make sure Blair didn't object to his actions. The hot eyes and impish grin directed at him answered any question he may have had. 

Blair's eyes slowly closed and his head tilted back, exposing that tempting Adam's apple, which Jim lightly caressed with his fingertips. A light shiver caused the small frame to tremble while leaning into the contact, aching for the touch to continue. A strangled whimper escaped his throat as Jim removed his hand to continue unbuttoning the shirt. The younger man's hair audibly slid back off his shoulders as his brow creased in frustration. 

After unfastening the last button, Jim pushed the shirt open with both hands, exposing the beautiful, furry chest. Reverently, he petted the hair there, producing a satisfied purr from his lover. Teasingly brushing both nipples with his thumbs, the detective smiled as he felt and heard the guttural groan rolling out of the young man's chest. Blair arched into the caress, begging for more. The larger man ignored him, however, evoking a choked sob from the sensualist. 

Sliding his hands down, the detective slowly stroked the anthropologist's ribs and trembling stomach, inflaming him. As the older man reached for Blair's waistband and undid the button on his jeans, he found strong hands holding his in place. With a seductive smile, his lover gazed hungrily down at him. 

"That's far enough. It's my turn," he rasped. 

Jim let go of the younger man's unbuttoned waistband, resting his hands on his lover's smaller, muscular thighs. Lifting himself up slightly, Blair carefully untucked the older man's grey t-shirt from the black jeans he wore as the detective raised his waist up a bit to assist him. While pulling the shirt off, the anthropologist ran his hands along the hard muscles along the cop's stomach and chest, moaning to himself while biting his lip and closing his eyes. As the student crumpled the t-shirt and threw it on the floor, he received an arched eyebrow from the man below him. 

"Not a word, man." 

Blair slowly leaned down toward the older man. When he was just millimeters away, his lover whispered, "Come here, sweetheart." The younger man stiffened, his breath caressing his partner's open lips. 

Jim frowned in confusion as he watched his barefooted, open shirted, waistband undone lover get up and walk away. Suddenly, the younger man whirled around, his hands perching on his small hips while pushing the open shirt back away from his body. 

" _What_ did you just call me?" 

Jim stared, dumbfounded. Sometimes he hated the way the younger man could change gears at the drop of a hat. If something piqued him, Blair could stop no matter how excited he might be, and often did. 

"Well?" He crossed his arms loosely over his chest with the shirt still hanging open. 

"Uh, Chief, how am I supposed to think with you standing there looking like that?" The question only agitated the smaller man further. 

"I suggest you work on your concentration, man. This isn't going any farther until you answer me," he remarked, his gaze steady with piercing blue eyes. Jim took a deep breath, trying to get some oxygen to his brain. 

"Sweetheart. I called you sweetheart." His vocal chords sounded like sandpaper had scraped them raw. 

"Do you have a problem with my being a man?" he questioned sharply, almost before the detective had finished speaking. 

"No, Chief. What makes you think that?" Jim's brow furrowed again, his expression looking lost. 

"Would you rather be with a woman?" 

"No!" 

"Then stop trying to feminize me, man. When you call me mushy names like that, I feel like you're trying to cut my dick off." The detective's hand flew to his groin, covering it as his legs squeezed together. "You send me flowers at the university. You call me 'Baby' in front of Simon. It's gotta stop, man." He raised his hands and arched his eyebrows to drive his point home. 

"You don't want me to have a nickname for you?" Jim asked, causing Blair to roll his eyes. 

"You already have one for me. You can say 'Chief' so many different ways and I know what you mean by each one. And if you want to buy me something, could you get something besides roses? Get me some warm socks or something I can use. I don't know, some cologne that turns you on...something besides flowers and teddy bears." He shuddered at the thought of stuffed animals. 

"Okay, Chief. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. Just don't kill me if I slip, okay?" 

"Okay, but try not to." He smiled fondly at the older man. 

"Does this mean I can't get you a 'Horny Little Devil' for Valentine's Day?" the larger man inquired with an evil grin. 

Blair laughed out loud. "Oh, man! You are like _so_ bad. What am I going to do with you?" 

"I can come up with some suggestions if you're out of ideas." He shrugged, attempting to look innocent, but the insistent bulge pushing against his pants ruined the effect. 

The younger man walked over and knelt beside the couch, resting his forehead on Jim's stomach, his breath sending shivers through the large frame. Jim ran his fingers searchingly through Blair's hair, it's soft texture kissing his fingers. 

"Do you know how much I care about you, Chief?" 

The younger man shook his head. "Mmm-mph." 

"Well, you'll just have to let me show you." The smaller man's smile tickled his skin, causing him to squirm. 

"Oh, now that's gonna be tough, man. I don't know." He lifted his head while speaking, revealing a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. 

Jim tried to pull the younger man up onto him, but found his hands being slapped away. Blair's warm tongue alternately swirled and sucked around his navel, his lust filled eyes focusing on the older man's face. The detective could zone on that feeling alone in no time. 

"Stay with me, Jim. Dial it down to normal. I don't want to lose you now," he instructed, trailing soft kisses over the older man's stomach. 

The larger man nodded briefly and the masterful tongue returned. Sighing deeply at the contact, he reached to massage the smaller shoulders only to have his hands removed and placed by his sides on the couch. 

The younger man turned his angelic face up to gaze into the older man's eyes. "Jim, let me make love to you." 

"What about you?" the detective asked in a soft whisper, placing a finger under Blair's chin. 

An evil grin. "I'm enjoying myself, too. Don't you worry about me." Kissing Jim's wrist sensually, he laved the sensitive skin with his tongue, smiling at the shudder that shook the large frame. 

Jim's eyes settled uncertainly on Blair's chest. Swallowing audibly, he remained silent. His large hand tugged absently on the tail of his lover's open shirt. As the younger man questioned him, his eyes drifted up to meet their counterparts. 

"Don't you trust me, Jim?" The older man nodded. "Do you really think I'd do anything to hurt you?" He shook his head. "Then, would giving me control be so bad?" While speaking, the young man traced light circles on the detective's stomach, using just enough pressure not to tickle. 

"You don't know what you're asking, Chief," he said as he caressed the clean shaven cheek. Moving his fingers into the long hair, he closed his eyes and concentrated on his breathing like his lover had taught him to do. 

"Jim, can't you give up control once in a while? You're always in control," the student complained. 

"That's just it, Chief. I'm never in control. Why do you think I have the house rules? You're in control when we deal with my senses. I tell you the problem, you figure it out and tell me what to do. I have to feel like I have _some_ control over my life. Here is the only place..." Turning his face away from Blair, red-faced and ashamed, he let his words drift off. Fearing he'd exposed too much of himself, he kept his head turned toward the back of the couch, jaw muscles tight. He fought the urge to curl up in a ball and hide. 

"Jim." Blair leaned back, resting his behind on his heels, continuing to soothingly stroke the larger man's stomach. Opening his eyes, the detective hesitantly turned his head to look at him. "You're in control with your senses. You chose to take them back. You choose to take the advice I give you. I may be pushy at times, but that's all it is, advice." The older man closed his eyes for fear of betraying his feelings. 

"Thank you." He pulled his hand from the younger man's hair reluctantly, stroking the smooth cheek along the way. Replacing the hand by his side, he once again lay still. 

The detective waited none too patiently for his partner to continue where they left off. He really wanted to do this for him, but the thought of letting the younger man dictate the situation terrified him. 

"Chief, now is a good time for me." He managed to keep the tremor out of his voice. 

"You could work on your patience, _Ellison_." Jim's heart skipped at the student's use of his last name. He used it so infrequently that it felt like an intimacy when it fell from those lips in the right tone of voice. Whether he said it in anger or as a verbal caress, it sent a shock wave straight to the older man's groin, this occasion being no exception. 

With his eyes closed, Jim heard his lover's jeans rustling and then felt the pleasant weight of him settling down in his earlier straddling position. The soft skin of the smaller hands massaged him, starting with his stomach just above his waistband. Blair slowly moved his hands up to the area of the detective's ribs, leaning a bit of his weight into it to apply more pressure. When a contented growl escaped him, the older man decided that this might not be so bad. 

"Feel good, Jim?" 

"Mmm," was the best he could do. He had been reduced to one large nerve ending greedily taking in all touch sensation. 

"Jim, are you still with me?" 

"You talk too much, Sandburg." 

"Yep, that's my Jim. Where are your controls?" The detective hesitated for a few moments before answering. 

"Normal." 

"Where were they?" Blair asked, laughing lightheartedly. 

"A man has to have some privacy, Chief. Are you going to talk or get on with it?" Jim knew he sounded grumpy, but he couldn't help it. Keeping himself still for the younger man became more difficult with each touch of those talented hands. 

A wet warmth closed around his left nipple, causing him to arch into the lovely sensation. Cradling the younger man's skull in his hands, a low moan to passed his lips. Blair applied a light suction while flicking the nub with the tip of his tongue as he spread himself out to lay in full body contact with the older man. A whimper reached his ears as he settled himself between his lover's open legs. Preparing to move to the other side, he gave the nipple a light nip before letting it go. 

"Mmm." Jim thrust his hips up against his young lover's stomach, his erection growing even harder in response to the stimulation. 

"Like that, huh?" Blair asked without releasing the nipple in his mouth. The older man emitted a soft sigh as his only response. 

The detective fought for control to remain motionless as his lover inched his way up to align their worn denim covered groins. The younger man began a series of soft bites along the detective's neck, content not to stimulate the lower half of their bodies, driving the sentinel crazy with frustration. 

"Chief, can I participate now?" His voice sounded too rough to his ears, his throat dry. 

"Yes. You can lay there and enjoy it." Jim thought that the young man enjoyed his power a bit too much, but obeyed anyway. A bossy guide could prove to be fun. 

As Blair moved to his collarbone and began sucking lightly there, Jim's hips thrust again involuntarily. Strong, masculine hands gripped them, holding them in place for the most part. 

"Are you ready, _sweetheart_?" Hearing the mocking tone of voice, Jim opened his eyes, trying for a stern glare. It melted when he saw the love and overwhelming desire directed at him. 

"Call me that again. I _dare_ you," he nearly growled, lightly wrapping his arms around the other man. 

"It doesn't feel too good to be on the receiving end, does it?" 

Mischief twinkled in the detective's eyes mixed with an evil smile. "Oh, I don't know. If you'd move, I might not mind." 

"Impatient sentinels." Blair braced himself with his hands on either side of Jim's chest. He lowered himself down to teasingly lick the older man's lips, giving the detective a thrill of anticipation that manifested itself as a low moan. 

When the younger man started to grind his hips against Jim's, the older man thought once again that he would lose his mind. He threw his head back, his mouth hanging open, gasping. "Ooh, Chief, mmm..." After panting for a few more strokes, he urgently spoke in a ragged voice. "Chief, I need to get these pants off." 

"No." The young man enthusiastically tasted his lover's neck in long luxurious swipes, stopping here or there to suck. 

Jim's eyes flew open again as he pulled back the head connected to his neck. "No? What do you mean, 'no'?" 

"Just what I said. Now, shut up and enjoy yourself." The younger man sounded entirely too pleased with himself. 

"Stop," the detective commanded. 

"Don't want to." He continued moving his hips, speeding up his pace a bit. Shaking his head loose from the older man's hands, he returned to bathing the neck. Shortly, he began sucking the older man's lower lip into his mouth, evoking an anguished, frustrated groan from the detective. 

Taking his young lover's head in his hands, Jim brought the glistening lips to his own. As their tongues danced together, Blair tweaked his nipples, sending shock waves of electricity on a path straight to his groin. The man's skilled tongue never ceased to undo him, no matter what part of his body it worked on. His never still hands could be registered as lethal weapons. After surfacing for air, Jim hugged the younger man tightly, trying to still those maddening hands. The student lightly nipped at his lover's Adam's apple, which always drove him crazy. 

"Damn, Chief, you feel so good," he whispered, running his hands up and down the smaller man's back under the flannel. The grunts coming from the smaller man as the friction of their cocks drove him to distraction sent Jim's blood pressure soaring. 

"Mrph." 

The younger man's hips continued to pick up their torturous pace as Jim strained to remain still. Soon, an incredibly familiar ache began in his balls and he could do it no longer. He lifted his hips to apply pressure to the ones grinding mercilessly against him. The throbbing climbed into the base of his cock, wrapping invisibly teasing fingers around it and squeezing as they pumped. 

"Aaaahh...Chief...oh, shiiiiit!" 

The ache plaguing him transformed into a heavenly burn as the contractions in his hard member began. Gasping for air, he gripped the cushions of the couch as he arched his back into a tight bow. Oblivious to the other man, he rode out the seemingly neverending waves that pulsed through his groin. 

As he floated back to himself, happily sated, he looked down to find his lover sluttishly thrusting against his thigh. 

"Chief?" 

"Didn't...come...yet," the young man ground out between grunts, teeth clenched. 

With an evil grin, Jim languidly grasped the young man's rear in both hands and pulled him down harder against his thigh. He also applied pressure to his lover's groin with his leg, but not enough to hurt him. 

"Let me see if I can't help you with that." 

Panting heavily, Blair's facial expression shifted to that of ecstasy. His head tilted back, exposing that beautifully masculine throat, which Jim sucked on hard enough to leave a mark. The student squeezed his eyes shut while chewing on his full lower lip. "Nngh." Pant. "Oh, man." Pant. Pant. Swallow. "Ooh...mmm..." Harsh gasping signaled his release. 

Jim watched and felt the young man's body stiffen as he continued to hunch his leg. The sensations shook his partner's body as he roughly shoved his hips forward with each one and froze until the next one hit him. When it was over, the smaller man collapsed with his face down in the cushion of the couch. 

"Chief, you're going to suffocate like that. Come here." He pulled the younger man up until his head lay on the older man's shoulder and the newly warm groin nestled against his hip. 

After a time, the engaging blue eyes leisurely opened. To Jim's dismay, doubt filled them. 

"Jim, do you love me?" The older man simply stared at the flushed face, caught off guard. "I am like _so_ afraid I'm falling by myself here and I don't...it would really hurt badly if you...oh, man." He squeezed his eyes shut, stilling the hand that had been stroking Jim's chest. 

"Yes." 

"Huh?" Blair's eyes opened, blinking to clear the excess water in them. 

"You asked me a question, Chief. I'm answering you. You know that words don't come easily for me. That doesn't mean that I don't feel." He tucked a stray strand of hair behind the younger man's ear. 

"But what if I need to hear the words, Jim? I don't want to have to ask. I want you to tell me because you want to." His tone sounded pleading, along with his eyes conveying it. 

"Chief..." 

"Forget it, man. Nevermind." The young man moved to get up in short, angry movements. 

Jim grabbed his arms, bringing him back down on top of him. Face to face, he spoke his heart. "Blair, I do love you. I don't want you to feel neglected, but I'm not as good with words as you. I'll try. That's the best I can do. Will it be enough?" 

"Yeah, man. Just try to get used to saying it because I'll never get tired of hearing it." The younger man relaxed into him almost as if he wanted the larger man to absorb him into his soul. 

"I'll do my best, Chief. And I'll continue to try to show you with my actions. Even if it's not verbal, I'm still telling you that I care." He embraced the younger man tightly, holding on for dear life. 

"Okay, Jim. Just do what you can." He laid his head back down on the well muscled shoulder. 

* * *

On Sunday afternoon, Jim sat in front of the television reflecting on his life since Blair had entered it. He would have never noticed how lonely and empty it had been if it hadn't been for the younger man's enthusiasm. At times like these, it ate at him the most. The student had gone out to a movie by himself, leaving the detective feeling isolated and alone. 

The door opened, signaling the younger man's return. Instead of the expected smile and excitement, his face twisted into a troubled expression. Jim sprang off the couch, meeting him in the middle of the room. 

"Chief?" 

"Jim, we need to talk." He kept walking, leaving the detective standing in the middle of the room staring after him. 

"Okay. Are you alright?" The serious tone his partner had used filled him with dread. 

"I'm okay," he said distractedly, waving his hand to dispel the Blessed Protector panic. He stopped and turned, leaning on the support beam. "Really, Jim. I'm okay. I skipped the movie and I've been doing some thinking." 

"About?" The detective forced the word past the tightness in his chest. 

"Friday." 

"Oh." Jim sat down in distress. "I thought we'd already gotten past that, Chief." 

"Jim. We fought and then Simon showed up and I panicked. We never talked about what caused the argument." 

"I had kind of hoped we wouldn't have to." Jim massaged his forehead, feeling a headache begin to pound into his skull. He refused to meet the younger man's gaze as he heard a sigh escape the student. 

"Man, relationships don't work that way. You've got to get your problems out in the open so that you can work through them. And *don't* lecture me on my past. I had a life before you knew me and I've had a few long-term relationships." His hands spread wide as he talked. 

"You never told me about that." Jim gaped at the younger man, astounded. 

"Well, you never asked, man." Blair stood up straight, his mouth set in a stubborn line. 

"I'm sorry, Chief. You don't owe me any explanations. I guess I just assumed that you'd tell me something like that." 

"Like you've said to me on occasion, it just never came up. I had no reason to think you'd be interested in my love life." He crossed his arms over his chest, hugging himself and rocking slightly on his toes. 

"I probably gave you the opposite impression." Blair's motion halted. 

"Jim, you made me feel like a dirty dog." Once the words escaped, he gasped as his hand flew to cover his mouth. He stared at his partner with shock widened eyes. 

"Damn, Chief, I'm sorry. I wish I could take it back." The tightness that developed in the large frame stressed the words. He stood up and approached the young man, standing very close with their gazes locked. 

"That's not the point, man. We're getting off the subject. Why were you so angry at me? You _yelled_ at me. You've never done that." His arms fell to his sides. They stood close enough that they would only have to tilt their heads to share a kiss. 

Jim backed off and walked over to the window, hands resting on his hips. 

"Jim?" 

"Give me a second, Sandburg. I said I would try. You know this isn't easy for me." The words contained no edge, only desperation. 

"Being in a relationship never is, man, but I think this one is worth it." He perched on the arm of the couch with his feet on the end cushion. Rubbing his hands on his thighs, he waited patiently. 

Finally, Jim turned around. Scratching his chin, he began to speak. "Blair, I don't know what to say." His intense eyes gave the impression of a lost little boy. 

"The truth is a start." It was spoken in an even tone, almost gently. 

"Okay." Taking a deep breath, he told himself that he could do this. "When I saw you talking to Denise, you were flirting. I thought you were trying to make me jealous, that you wanted to hurt me." 

"Oh, man, that is _so_ not true!" Jumping up off the couch, he faced the older man. He held his limbs rigid, restraining himself from embracing the larger man. "Sure I was flirting, but I had to force it. Denise didn't interest me." 

"What do you mean you had to force it?" The detective had that intense studious expression on his face that could make a man without a conscience squirm. 

"Jim, think. What would happen in the bullpen if I didn't act like some horny teenager? This is going to sound way harsh, but I swear I don't mean it that way." He held up a hand to pacify. "All your friends think I'm like some kind of dog in heat. And it's largely your doing." 

Hating it, he knew it to be true. He enlisted the other detectives to help him rag on his partner on a regular basis. Hanging his head, he rasped, "Damn." 

"Jim, I expect you to be completely honest with me, so I'm going to come clean right now." The older man's head snapped up with his eyes hurling fiery darts. "I'm completely in love with you. I would never _ever_ do anything to hurt you." Sighing in relief, the detective relaxed. 

"See, there you go with that jealousy thing. You thought I was going to confess to cheating on you. Don't you trust me?" 

"Chief, you know I do." 

"No!" The outburst startled the older man. He'd rarely heard an exclamation with such emotion from his partner. "I'm not talking about work. I'm asking you if you trust me with your heart. If not, I don't think there's much else to say." 

"I trust you," he said with feeling, placing his hands on the younger man's shoulders. 

"Then you've got to quit with all these reactions based on fear." He turned and walked away from his lover. 

"What are you talking about, Chief?" Blair turned to face him. 

"Jealousy comes from a basic sense of insecurity. If you're insecure about our relationship, that tells me that you don't trust me. If that's the case, there's nothing else I can do." Wide, pleading blue eyes regarded the older man. 

"I just said that I trust you. There just haven't been many people in my life who stuck around, okay? I've been waiting for the other shoe to drop. Are you happy now? I feel like I'm completely exposed here." The detective's eyes looked miserable, as if he were an insect waiting to be squashed. 

"No, I'm not _happy_ ," the anthropologist snapped. "I'm finding out volumes about what you think of me. Do you honestly think it brings me joy to see you hurting?" 

"No, Chief, I don't. I'm sorry. You know how grumpy I get at times like this." He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to release some of the tension gathered there. 

"Man, maybe you should see a therapist." 

"No! Absolutely not." He shook his head adamantly. "That's completely out of the question." Blair closed the space between them. 

"C'mon, Jim. You've obviously got some issues and you can't do it all on your own." 

"I said 'no', Sandburg. Now drop it." Jim leveled a cold glare at the younger man, effectively silencing him. He watched as the younger man flung himself down onto the couch, running a hand through his unruly hair. 

"Man, what are we gonna do?" His voice bordered on whining. 

"If you'll be patient with me, I'll do my best not to let my..." His voice trailed off. 

"Jealousy, Jim." 

"Well, I'll try to control it and not freak out on you. Deal?" 

"Deal." 

Jim walked to Blair, opening his arms. The younger man stood up and latched onto him as if he depended on him for air. Returning the embrace with the same enthusiasm, the older man thanked God for blessing him with this patient and forgiving guide. 

"Don't give up on me, Chief. I'm really trying." 

"I know, man. I know." He buried his face in the chest of his lover. 

"And I...I l-l..." Blair tilted his head back, gently placing a finger against Jim's lips to silence him. 

"Shhh...not until you're ready." Standing on his toes, he placed a soft kiss on the older man's lips. 

* * *

Blair came in from the university the next day. As he walked past the kitchen table, he found a note from Jim telling him that he'd gone out to get dinner and would be back shortly. 

Stepping into their office, he had to laugh out loud. On the bed lay an assortment of items for him. He found two packages of t-shirts in assorted colors, three flannel shirts, a package of thermal socks, and a bottle of cologne. Laying on top of them was a card with a single white rose laying across it. When he opened the card, he read the following: 

These should keep you warm for a while. I love you,  
Chief. Is your manhood still there? I have plans  
for it later. --Jim"

"'Chief' works for me." He sat down on the bed shaking his head. Anyone who said that James Joseph Ellison had no sense of humor didn't spend enough time to get past the walls. 

Closing his eyes, he brought the rose to his nose. Inhaling the sweet scent deeply, his heart overflowed with love for the detective who'd pushed everyone else out of that guarded space. 

**END**

I meant no disrespect to any other authors with Blair's reaction to Jim calling him a pet name. There are authors that make it work very well. The Blair in this particular story wasn't comfortable with it. Thanks for reading! 


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